Are you wondering what couples counseling topics you might encounter if you and your spouse decide to seek marriage advice from a family counselor? When you and your significant other aren’t on the same page in life, marriage counseling — or pre-marriage counseling — might be what it takes to bridge the gap, but the potentially painful couples counseling topics that you might be confronted with may be preventing you from going through with it. While some couples counseling topics are going to open old wounds, and hurt to discuss, the worst subjects are the ones that you don’t discuss; when you aren’t talking about your problems, they are able to lie under the skin and fester like a ravenous disease, until eventually the damage is beyond repair.
It is critical to address the “tough subjects” throughout your therapy. Some of the most important couples counseling topics that you and your spouse should discuss include:
Three Marital or Premarital Questions Every Couple Should Talk About
- What does your marriage commitment mean?
Making the decision to dedicate your life to be a union with another person is a significant decision. If the motivation behind your decision is different than that of your spouse, it could lead to a rude awakening down the road when neither of you are getting what you had hoped from your commitment.
You and your spouse should talk about why, out of all seven billion other humans on this planet, you chose to spend your life with one another. Bringing this subject up helps you realize what your spouse had in mind for your future when they chose to meet you at the alter. Sometimes, you might have lost the vision you once had for your life together, and talking about this brings it back to your original goals.
- What does our future look like?
Being married is like running in a three-legged race. You and your spouse are tied together; if you are going in different directions, you’ll both fall over and no one will succeed (least of all, your marriage). Either before you get married, or after you’ve fallen on your face in the three-legged race of life, you need to ask each other what you want from life. What goals do you have for the next 12 months? Five years? How do your individual goals involve each other, and how do they conflict with each other?
Talk about what kind of legacy you want to leave behind when you die. What would make your life a success in your own eyes? Realizing what’s important to one another will help you align your vision for the future, and achieve satisfaction, both in life and in your marriage.
- What expectations do you have from your marriage, and life in general?
Every marriage has a different level of dependence or independence; the important thing is that both members of the union have the same expectations. If one partner expects absolute support during life’s exciting moments, sad occasions, sickness, and so on, while the other anticipates a more self-sufficient way of life, both members could end up extremely disappointed.
Ask one another how often you all intend to have date nights? How often do you need a “lady’s night” or a “guy’s night?” What is your idea of alone time to clear your mind (a a scale from reading a book next to each other, to going on vacation independently)? When you have kids (if you have kids), do you plan for one parent to stay home while the other supports everyone, or do you plan to equally pay the bills? Understanding the point of view your spouse has on these subjects (and potential differences you have) could help you compromise so that everyone’s expectations are met.
They say that being married can either be the closest thing on Earth to heaven, or the closest thing on Earth to hell. The difference between having a life that you love with the person you love, and being stuck in an unhappy marriage that spills over into an unhappy life is being able to talk about the tough subjects. Among others, these are a few of the subjects that you need to talk about.